Week 8 – Will I Ever Learn?

I amuse myself, truly.  I have a very different sense of humor than most, but I’ll be among the first to tell you that I’m one of the funniest people I’ve ever met!  I’m a very funny girl.  At least that’s what I tell myself, and I tell myself ALOT of stuff.  Don’t we all?  Through MKMMA I’ve come to understand just how much stuff I do tell myself, just how many stories I’ve accepted as my own, and just how many judgments I continually make every day.  I’m gradually creating a new life, a new reality for myself and yet I find myself experiencing the same lesson over and over and over again.  And I say “experiencing the same lesson” because I’ve obviously not “learned the lesson”.  In fact, in earlier weeks I wrote my blog on the topic of resistance (the subject of my lesson) and just how strong it was in my life.

I have resisted so many things throughout my life, and being a bit of a control freak in many ways, I’m usually pretty determined to making sure I’m right about those things I’ve resisted.  I tell myself there’s good sound reasons for feeling the way that I feel about such and such, and many times I have simply bought into my reasoning and remained in resistance to whatever the issue was; however, there have been many times that the subject of the resistance has ended up becoming something very special and valuable to me.  With this repeated result one might think that it would be reason enough for me to seriously re-evaluate my viewpoint whenever I feel resistance creeping back in over something.  Honestly, I very seldom re-evaluate.  Silly me.

I’ve had so many moments of resistance regarding some of the different exercises or tasks required of me to stay in integrity with MKMMA.   The dream board exercise:  I’ve done many dream boards through the years.  Really?  I’ve got to do another one?  Ugh…..Integrity, Catherine.  Just do it.  Do it now!  So, I did it, and I had an absolute BLAST doing it and I love looking at it dozens of times a day!!  Go figure!  Then I was supposed to do some recording of myself so that I could listen to it and get the thoughts into my subby, but OMG that’s going to take so long to get that one done and besides, I really do not like the sound of my own voice so why would I want to listen to myself?  Ugh…..Integrity, Catherine.  Just do it.  Do it now!  So, I did it – finally, and guess what??  It’s become my most favorite thing to listen to – over and over and over again.  I love it!  It’s absolutely empowering!  Oops, it’s Thursday.  Gotta get that blog thing written.  What am I going to write about this week?  I haven’t a clue.  And it’s gotta be at least 300 words.  Ugh…..Integrity, Catherine.  Just do it.  Do it now!  So, I did, and here we are 508 words later…..I’m such a silly, funny girl!!

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