We’ve already established my degree of resistance to change and new things. I am, however, always open to learning new things and expanding my knowledge. What I have found repeatedly throughout my life is a pattern of experiencing great resistance to something or someone – and that’s probably peppered with a whole lot of judgment – and because of that resistance I distance myself from the situation both physically and emotionally. When I have done that, in that moment in that space in time, it has always felt like it was the right choice for me. I’ve felt more at peace as a result of taking that position and the pressure would now be off to “conform” or to pretend to like something or someone that I actually did not. I’m actually embarrassed to admit how often I have been wrong in my assessment of these types of situations. People that I judged for whatever reason and certainly knew that I would not have any interest in being in relationship with them, have turned out to be some of the biggest teachers in my life and some of my dearest friends. Great lessons have been taught to me through them. I shutter to think of how many valuable lessons and gifts I missed out on because I was quick to judge and unwilling to simply stay and push through some obstacles to be able to see the bigger picture and more than likely, the bigger gift that was available to me.
Week 3 has me experiencing some of those old feelings. My old “stuff” is coming up for me. When I start to feel overwhelmed, the old voice in my head speaks up and I struggle to quiet it down. It’s telling me that I don’t have the time required to do things right, things are getting more and more complicated by the day, and they’re moving a bit too fast for me to understand what my requirements are and then to have to fulfill the requirements. I know what’s happening to me – it’s my ego just trying to protect me. It’s all the old stuff fighting against all the new stuff I’m bringing into my life through MKMMA, and you know what? It’s okay. It’s all exactly as it should be. My opportunity for growth is staring me in the face, and I’m simply not going to back down. I know there will be numerous gifts and lessons for me as I move forward through this experience and there’s simply no way – despite how I might feel in any given moment – that I will give into my old thought patterns and miss out on what’s available to me here. Despite myself, I will meet all expectations and requirements to continue with MKMMA, quite frankly, because the risk is too great not to. I tell myself multiple times a day “Out with the old and In with the NEW!”
Wanna bet which one wins – Old or New??